If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
