i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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