That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
