Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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