If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
