in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
