Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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