so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
