Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
