So drunk its hurt
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
