Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
