in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
