you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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