Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
