Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
