Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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