Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
