i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
