I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
