You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Soap is not a condiment
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
