I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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