i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
