I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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