you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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