I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
