I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
