dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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