it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
