dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize