u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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