Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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