8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
