On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
