It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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