Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
