I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize