even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
