Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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