i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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