I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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