in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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