do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just want nice things and good sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
