Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
