I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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