I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
