Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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