So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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