every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
