So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
