The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
