who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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