I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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