; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
