i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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