that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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