i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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