I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
