Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize