i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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