My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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