he thought i was a dude.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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