Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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