do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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