did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Operation Purity has been aborted
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
