I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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