Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
