Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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