Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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