she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
