this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
whose parrot is this?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
