Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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