It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
