I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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