Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
