just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
