What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do vagina's smell?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
