Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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