I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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