i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
