Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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