We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
