Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
