i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
