My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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