The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
