i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
