Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
