Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
