just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
