someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
