When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
