My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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