So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
